The Art Of Trying To Think Globally And Speak Locally:
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive sideways.
At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take our bags and send them in all directions.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaids.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you with nothing to hope for.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush, we will execute customer in strict rotation.
In an East African newspaper:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier.
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today - no ice cream.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in our room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your poassage then tootle him with vigor.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing, is please not to read this.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going to alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make;
Limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger;
Roasted duck let loose;
Beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service.
In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
it is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
A Billboard in Saskatchewan:

From: Bruce Kingsland To: Smiley Wed, 1 Jul 1998 15:31:29 -0700

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